The theodicy on my computer

I have a theodicy on my computer. My son and I bought it at Walmart five or six years ago. It's called "Age of Empires II". The people who developed this game probably weren't thinking of vindicating God's goodness despite the existence of evil, but that is what they did.

If you've never played Age of Empires II, it is a game where you have villagers that gather resources, so you can build castles and make knights and archers and catapults to defend yourself against the computer's army and to conquer the computer's empire.

Like a lot of commercial games, it has cheat codes that you can look up online. One lets you create sports cars armed with machine guns, which totally dominate the medieval battlefield of the game. When I saw this code, I tried it out and it was impressive. One sports car basically won the game for me.

But I've played the game hundreds of times over the years, and only a handful of times have I used sports cars. After all, what is the point? It's not much of a game if I do that.

That is the theodicy of it. When I'm tempted to feel frustrated with circumstances that I know God could fix or remove in an instant, I think of Age of Empires. Does God delay his instantaneous triumph over evil to make the game more interesting? Scripture says he does want us to have faith in His power and authority even when we can't see it in our circumstances.

If my villagers were intelligent, they might well be frustrated with me. Why do I send them out to risk their lives building towers at the edge of the enemy territory when I could win an instantaneous victory? "How long, Master", they might cry out. "Do you not care that we perish?" But I don't want to win in an effortless, instantaneous manner, I want to overcome in a challenging, complex manner.

The analogy only goes so far. I don't care about my villagers because I know they are only pixels on a screen and objects in RAM with a few variables. God does care about me and about the world, he has assured me of that over and over. But he has a much bigger plan than just loving me, and his plan usually doesn't include giving me instantaneous relief over my problems. Age of Empires has helped me understand that.

God's pleasure

I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.

Eric Liddell in Chariots of Fire.

I've been thinking about that quote these last few days. When do I feel God's pleasure in what I do?

One time is when I write, either here or in my narrative projects slowly staggering towards completion. When I take the time to write, I'm often encouraged by a deeper sense of joy than my normal. The colors seem a touch brighter, the music in church seems a touch deeper, a touch happier.

This is a challenging fact, besides being encouraging. Often, I don't want to work at my writing, or anything else. I'm entranced by the 21st century false gospel: Life is supposed to be convenient and almost effort-free. If something is hard, I can't be expected to pursue it until "they" update it to make it easy.

But I think Scripture calls us to a long pilgrimage, often involving struggle against circumstances and my inclinations. There are moments of ease and comfort, an occasional dramatic victory when I see God's power unleashed, but the norm seems to be needing faith to believe in God's great power when I don't see it unveiled in my circumstances.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me!" -- a surprising blessing!

I've been meditating on Psalm 22 these last few days and have found encouragement in David's cry of desolation.

1) We worship a God who has endured far greater torment than anything we fret over.
2) We worship a God who promises to be with us in our distresses. The desolate feeling of verse 1 isn't the end of the story, read v 22, 24, 29-31.
3) we worship a God who receives and welcomes our honesty when we pour our distressed feelings out to him.

Do people still talk about the Four Spiritual Laws? I'm thinking Spiritual Law #1 could be reworded. Instead of "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life," I'd say "God loves you and has an astonishing ability to give contentment in distressful circumstances."

God is the answer

"I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away."

C. S. Lewis, Till We Have Faces.

How often we think of questions we want to ask God when we get to heaven. I wonder if we think enough about whether our questions will still be relevant after the transition. Or if the questions don't die away when we see him, their emotional tone would be completely different. Instead of "Why did you allow X?" in a tone of "You'd better have a good explanation;" we might ask "Why did you allow X?" in a tone of "What gave you the idea that X could be made to work out as well as you worked it out?"

God with me

When life is hard, I have a choice. I can believe God has forgotten me, otherwise this hard thing would never have happened. Or I can believe in this hard time that God is with me even when I don't feel His presence.

There is a related choice. When life is hard, and I've prayed to God for help and it hasn't gotten easier: I can believe God doesn't care about this difficulty and wants me to cope on my own, otherwise he would have fixed it. Or I can believe that something precious and new can happen in my heart when I express to him the difficulties I am feeling.

When Psalm 23 says that God prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies, I think it means that we can be blessed even in the presence of difficulty. The blessing is the peace God gives in the midst of the difficulty.

Emotional honesty in prayer

The point of my posts about prayer as a Panther's fan (part 1 and part 2) was to say I should be honest with God about my emotions.

Here are some other encouragements I've found to be emotionally honest in prayer.

1) Psalm 22. We usually read it as a prophecy of Jesus' agony on the cross. It is that, and more, I think. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me?" When it really really hurts, saying so to God is not a lack of faith, but is the response of faith. The Psalmist tells God "I feel really, really alone" then reminds himself who God is and that this feeling of abandonment won't last forever.

2) The song "Never Alone" by Barlow Girl. (listen here). "I waited for you today, but you didn't show", followed by "I'll hold fast to what I know, you're here and I'm never alone." The same cycle of expressing the feeling of abandonment then reminding yourself God is with you that David shows in Psalm 22.

3) A quote from Augustine's Confessions in the 4th century.

It is then our affections which we lay open unto Thee, confessing our own miseries, and Thy mercies upon us, that Thou mayest free us wholly, since Thou hast begun, that we may cease to be wretched in ourselves, and be blessed in Thee;

I'd paraphrase those words like this: "We lay our emotions open to you, confessing our weaknesses and difficulties, that you might free us wholly; trusting not our own ability to manage our feelings, but your ability to manage our feelings."

4. From the Westminster Catechism:

Q. 98. What is prayer?
A. Prayer is an offering up of our desires unto God, for things agreeable to his will, in the name of Christ, with confession of our sins, and thankful acknowledgment of his mercies.

5. Speaker Sy Rogers describes a dialog with God about his evil thoughts: "Why don't you do with your filthy nasty thoughts what you have never dared do. Why don't you just admit them and submit them to me." (The part I'm quoting starts just after 3:00 in the video.)

Compassion

Compassion cries aloud in the Walmart lobby, at the busy intersection.
"Open your eyes, people. Get this if nothing else. That person you see, who annoys you, who's in your way, who doesn't get you. They too have a life, the same texture of surprising joys and harrowing sorrows as yours. Their purpose in life is not to ease your pain or make your life better. If they do encourage you, celebrate it. If they do not, are they in need of encouragement? You would not measure your life by how well you've helped them, why measure theirs by how well they have helped you?"