The Savior and Private Ryan

It's been years since I watched Saving Private Ryan, but the end bugs me. Captain Miller (Tom Hanks' character) says to Private Ryan as he dies, "Earn this!" Then it flashes forward to Ryan as an old man asking his wife if he was a good man, then crying at Miller's grave.

My question is, did Ryan cry at Millers grave because he remembered with gratitude that Miller had laid down his life to save him? Or was he crushed by the burden of those last words? Would anything he ever did be good enough (unless he laid down his life for someone else) to deserve what Miller had done?

When Jesus laid down his life for us, he never said "Earn this!" He said, "Remember me, remember this, until I come again." Maybe the difference sounds subtle, but I think it is huge. We can never earn the gift Jesus gave us, we shouldn't even think of trying. But we can remember all our lives that Jesus laid down his life for us, and now wants to give us his life to live through us.

Remembering God

Now I remember what I had learned, that you look on me with compassion, not just for the great crises but in the ordinary awkwardness of life. Life, this intricate gift of yours that I often get wrong, pursue a momentary comfort or distraction rather than embrace and ask for your grace in this day, these circumstances you've given.

Forgive me when I doubt that prayer works when I look at life and see so much you haven't fixed yet, as if fixing was all you do. Remind me of those moments when I've known the peace of your presence standing with me in the unfixed mess; when I've said "I don't know why I should feel OK in this, because its so obviously not OK, but you're here with me, and the OKness of your presence is greater than the nonOKness of this circumstance.

Meditating on the Lord's Prayer -- complete

Our Father who is in heaven,
the Holy One, the Father of all Fathers, There, in heaven, You are intangible, yet not distant. Master of that unseen realm where our happiness will be complete, where the current hints of goodness in our hearts will be fulfilled and made whole, our contradictory desires reconciled, and the current ravages of evil in our hearts will be cleansed and removed.

May your Name be holy
Your name is holy, I cannot make it holy, but may I understand how holy it is, may I set myself to living out the awareness of Your holiness. May I remember that as often as you grant me success and keep me from failure, my success or my failure does not really add or detract from your wondrous nature or the glories of your plans.

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven
May your agenda, your mystery of reconciling all peoples in Christ go forward today. May there be a measurable step in that direction this day. May your intricate plan to overrule the powers and practices of this world advance and spread. May the secret of the eternal Word lovingly written on each heart, no matter how weak or lowly or despised, advance until the awareness of You fills the world as the waters fill the sea.

Give us this day our daily bread
Today I have new needs. Give me today what I need today. Grant me wisdom to see that I need you again today. Grant me understanding when you supply my needs but not my wants.

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us
Remind me my worst enemy is not my fellow human, but my own heart marching to the old music of autonomy and the refusal to admit dependence. I yet believe the old old story that all will be well if I could have what I want. Remind me that the one I call enemy is as loved by You as I am, and that if I understood his circumstances, I might understand what he does. Grant me the wisdom to see where I'm not any better than he.

Lead  us not into temptation
The publicity of this seen world would draw me in still if I did not pay careful attention. Give me the clarity of a mind longing for that unseen realm, already tasting the life of the world to come

But deliver us from evil
I am not yet strong enough to bear much adversity as I await your deliverance, grant that I not be overcome. But as I have reminded You of my weakness, remind me of Your strength in my weakness.

For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever
Once there, in that realm, the torments and difficulties of this world will be like a bad dream that I start forgetting as soon as I wake up

Meditating on the Lord's Prayer 5

Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us Remind me my worst enemy is not my fellow human, but my own heart marching to the old music of autonomy and the refusal to admit dependence. I yet believe the old old story that all will be well if I could have what I want. Remind me that the one I call enemy is as loved by You as I am, and that if I understood his circumstances, I might understand what he does. Grant me the wisdom to see where I'm not any better than he.

Meditating on the Lord's Prayer 4

Give us this day our daily bread
Today I have new needs. Give me today what I need today. Grant me wisdom to see that I need you again today. Grant me understanding when you supply my needs but not my wants.

Meditating on the Lord's Prayer 3

Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven
May your agenda, your mystery of reconciling all peoples in Christ go forward today. May there be a measurable step in that direction this day. May your intricate plan to overrule the powers and practices of this world advance and spread. May the secret of the eternal Word lovingly written on each heart, no matter how weak or lowly or despised, advance until the awareness of You fills the world as the waters fill the sea.

Meditating on the Lord's Prayer 2

May your name be holy
Your name is holy, I cannot make it holy, but may I understand how holy it is, may I set myself to living out the awareness of Your holiness. May I remember that as often as you grant me success and keep me from failure, my success or my failure does not really add or detract from your wondrous nature or the glories of your plans.

Meditating on the Lord's prayer

Our Father in heaven
O Holy One, the Father of all Fathers, There, in heaven, you are intangible, yet not distant. Master of that unseen realm where our happiness will be complete, where the current hints of goodness in our hearts will be fulfilled and made whole, our contradictory desires reconciled and the current ravages of evil in our hearts will be cleansed and removed.

A praise and a prayer

God, I asked you to mentor me, and you did.
You taught me to claim your promises, not complain they aren't fulfilled.
You hold me together when circumstances threaten to break me,
You lead me to peace instead of perplexity.
You make more of me than I can of myself.
I trust myself to you again.
Give me your joy, remind me of your presence and how much I need it.

Am I in charge of my prayer life?

Of course not. It ought to be an absurd question. Who am I? Finite, easily distracted, selfish even in my best moments: "Oh, look at me! Aren't I being so good! Why doesn't anyone notice?" Who is God? Infinite in love, power and wisdom, Creator and Lord of all that exists. Who is best qualified to be the senior partner in this relationship? He is.

And yet, Scripture doesn't assume we can be passive in prayer. When the disciples asked Jesus to teach them to pray, Jesus didn't say just show up and listen to the Father. Jesus taught them a model prayer, that they could memorize and recite, and we are still using it. Why would Jesus give us a model prayer if it were not up to us most of the time to set the agenda for our conversations with God? Why does Paul "urge" in 1 Timothy 2 "that prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone, – for kings and all those in authority?" The urging shows we decide what we say in our prayer times. God entrusts us with the initiative in prayer. I think this is because in this life where faith in the unseen is so important ("without faith it is impossible to please God"), God limits how much he shows himself in our experience to leave room for faith.

I have heard people talk about the importance of listening to God in prayer. I can't say that I have a lot of experience with this. I believe I've heard God speak audibly or almost audibly once. (Whether it was an actual audible sound, or merely a strong impression in my mind is not something I fret about). But my usual experience of dialog with God is my mind "generating" his voice based on what Scriptures come to mind and how I judge they apply. And I suspect this is probably the normal experience for most Christians on this side of eternity.