Apathy

Some days the desire to not care is strong. The principles of faith seem old and tedious. Yes, I know all that, nothing new there.

Now and then I wonder. I've learned that God has given us this life as something like a training exercise, to learn that in the stresses and shocks of things we cannot control, we can learn he is with us. And in the future, we shall see him face to face and know like we are known.

This life is short and temporary when viewed from an eternal perspective. But in the here and now perspective (the one I consistently experience) it seems long and dull. I attempted to pray yesterday, with a little success. What difference, I wonder, does one day's success or failure at prayer, at walking with God make? If it is the height of faith to continue in the belief that God is with me even when I don't feel it, is it possible for me to assert that I am with God even when I don't feel it? God's word is true whether I feel it or not. And God's word for me is I was chosen to be holy and blameless in his sight.

I can't think of a Psalm that echoes this emotion. Psalm 43:5 says "Why, my soul, are you so downcast?", but I'm not aware of one that says "Why, my soul, do you care so little?'